Spain.

Spain's national gallery. Velázquez, Goya, El Greco, Hieronymus Bosch's Garden of Earthly Delights. Free entry 6pm–8pm weekdays (5pm–7pm weekends). 2 hours minimum, ideally 3.

Tip: Skip the queue with a Madrid Pass. Or come at the free hour — yes it's busy, but you can still see everything that matters.

Modern art. Picasso's Guernica is here (room 206) — bigger and more devastating than any photograph. Salvador Dalí, Joan Miró, the Spanish Civil War history. Free 7pm–9pm Mon/Wed–Sat.

Tip: Save Guernica for last. Walk in and stand far back first, then close. You'll need a minute.

The oldest continuously-operating restaurant in the world (1725 — Guinness verified). Cochinillo asado (suckling pig) and roast lamb cooked in the same wood-fired oven for 300 years. Touristy but the food is genuinely excellent.

Tip: Book online 2 weeks ahead. Order the cochinillo, not the lamb. Ask for the basement (the original 1725 cellar).

Iron-and-glass market hall by Plaza Mayor. Stand-up tapas, oysters, jamón ibérico, vermouth on tap. Touristy but the standard is high. €40 for two glasses and three plates is realistic.

Tip: Go at 12pm on a weekday, not weekends. Skip the seafood paella stalls — those are tourist-trap. Stick to the jamón, oyster, and croquette counters.

Madrid's Hyde Park. Rowing boats on the lake, the Palacio de Cristal (glass palace), Sunday markets at Cuesta de Moyano (second-hand books). Free, open dawn til dusk.

Tip: Sundays 11am–2pm: drums, dancing, salsa lessons on the lake's east side. The most local thing you can do in Madrid.

Old theatre turned nightclub on Calle Arenal. Tourist heavy but iconic — open since 1981, three floors, mainstream music, opens 1am, peaks at 4am. Spain on training wheels.

Tip: For serious clubbing skip Joy and go to Goya Social Club (electronic) or Mondo Disko (techno) instead. Madrid's real music scene runs until 7am.